Recentering

Have you ever gone on a hike and used a compass? Perhaps you're a pilot and you need to fly at a certain bearing? Imagine that you look at your compass or bearing once at the beginning of your journey, but neglect to check yourself along the way. You likely would end up way off your intended mark. I want to take this time to recenter myself, check the bearings, etc.

I read recently that message is important but often lacks effectiveness if presented poorly. Posture is essential for gaining trust and credibility. I could have spouted off all the "content" of my faith, and cognitively explained why what I believe is important, but who am I to speak with any authority regarding things of the faith.

I should respect you, the reader, enough to allow you to get to know me well enough to begin to trust me as credible because you see me and the impact Christ has on my life. That speaks volumes more than just rambling off sermons.

So that is my intent for this blog entry. I'm going to share a little about me.

I started going to church and getting excited about God in junior high. I was impressionable and seeking acceptance, and the youth group I attended with friends had the cool college aged leaders to provide that sense of belonging I craved. I can see how one can deconstruct this experience and chalk it up to identity confusion and peer pressure for why I became a Christ follower, but there's more to it. This message of the gospel was that with God in my life, ever-present and transformative as I allow Him, I would find meaning to life with Him, experience real joy, guidance and comfort for hard times, and life eternal with God. Jesus provided the way to all this as I believe in Him. I tried to fake it, acting like a Christian, doing the Christian things, but after several months of going through the motions, I actually got the sense from God that He wanted more from me... an actual relationship. He wanted my heart. He wanted to be Lord, to have actual control over my heart, mind, soul and life, because He alone could manage it properly.

This is important. I still take back control of my life. It makes me feel horrible to this day. I don't know if you can relate, but it is exhausting trying to manage one's life and remain afloat, let alone making progress toward the harbor. I suck at it, and have found the most success and joy in life when I have surrendered my will to His, and enjoyed His control of things. There is such an incredible peace when I do this, I wish everyone could know it... It's just scary because it requires giving up control. The ironic part, however, is that what control people think they have is usually just an illusion, as their sinful nature tends to draw people closer and closer to the whirlpool's center. It's never to late though...

Back to my story.

I continued to do the Christian thing all the way through high school. I learned a lot. Scripture started to make its way into my psyche. You just think Scripture after years of reading it. I like this a lot. College years were tough because God wanted to break some of the perceptions I had of Him that were wrong. I thought God was very limited and small functionally. I only thought I could experience Him through music praise songs, sermons and the Bible. I hit a crisis of faith, seriously considering changing the entire trajectory of my life (to a non-Christian one) because I felt all I knew and experienced of God was imagined.

God showed back up in an incredible way for me. My first personal miracle. He told some neighbor to tell me to read a Bible passage, which when I did, I turned immediately to (no bookmark), and the passage applied directly to my confused, desperate heart, wondering where God was (Psalm 77). I believed in God again and He taught me that He's bigger than I made Him out to be, and He's personally invested in my life. I never realized these things before God taught me them through this cool experience.

Since then, I've dabbled in pursuing God more and trying to become a leader. This has looked different at different times. I was the President of Peer Counseling in college. I was promoted at work to be the Team Leader of my shift working with troubled youth. I am now in Seminary working on my Master's in Christian Studies to become a church consultant/missionary/church planter/pastor of sorts. It's slow going, as most things are. It's even discouraging at times when I look too closely at particular moments and have spiritual myopia. When I look at where I started and where I am now, I can see God's faithfulness in getting me through and transforming me into His likeness (the full image of God in humanity).

My most recent "project" for myself and my growth, related to becoming a leader, is to grow comfortable and capable in communicating and interacting with others, so that they may see how my life is changed and desire the same for their lives. Some call this evangelism. I like to think of it as not letting my fears and insecurities get in the way of being who I really am. I'm still in process, but I can experience positive, glorious transformation when I remain connected with my God. He has shown Himself to be faithful and able to do this in me.

My hope and prayer, is that you all can see the growth and transformation in me, recognize it as true life, and hunger for it as I do. I am more than willing to walk along you when you see its value and are ready to try it out. God's going to be the one to do the work, but for some crazy reason, God enjoys including His children in the work. I enjoy it too.